Yoga is changing my life in ways I didn’t even think possible.
I’ve struggled with being “thick” my entire life and have consistently been convinced that I have body dismorphic disorder. Between things that have happened to me in my past, the “perfect body” promotion I see every day, and the power I let these things have over me, I’ve had some rough days. Days where I would shower with clothes on, or get dressed in the dark. Days where someone complimenting me on having big thighs and a booty felt more like a backhanded way to tear me down than appreciation for my build. Where I used drugs over long periods of time and starved myself to fit the body types of my smaller framed friends or girls I saw in music videos. Days where I would hate myself for having a fast draw on the refrigerator door and what felt like the slowest metabolism in the world.
Yoga has not helped me lose massive amounts of weight, but I am stronger, more flexible, and I feel more beautiful. I see myself as a bombshell more and more every day. An Iggy Azalea, Salma Hayek, Jayne Mansfield inspired goddess. Instead of going to the gym and burning myself out on work out routines that bore me and make me miserable, I am doing something much bigger.
I’m still searching for the words to explain how yoga eases my anxiety and depression. It’s (and I lingered here for a while) an aid I had searched for in vices, religion, medicine. Something I have needed without even knowing it.
I feel really good.
I feel good.
Rotting Out - “Goddamn”
Then I realize you don’t exist.
not everyone has the blessing to understand sadness
when waiting at the bus stop, it’s okay to smoke cigarettes
never touch anyone else’s clothes at the laundromat
it’s okay to miss the people who were bullets to you
when your grandmother asks you how you are, be honest
never be afraid to say “no” even after you’ve said “yes”
if someone tells you graffiti isn’t art, prove them wrong
remember people by their eye color not their clothes
you’re allowed to like dark chocolate with tangerines
don’t lie that you don’t have a lighter when you really do
turn your phone off every once in a while and find the moon
if you want a tattoo, don’t let anyone tell you not to get it
if you ever find yourself at the graveyard, read the names
written by poems from my uncles grave (via rotteningenue)